News

We are now coming to the business end of the season and the player availability, if we are to believe, it is not looking good. Please fill this in asap and make life a bit easier for the team captains. PLEASE TAKE NOTE There are no games next week so use the opportunity of Valentine’s day to get credit points for the run in. Our next matches are on the 21st and will feature: A relegation decider for the 1st's home against Crewe who are 1 place below and in relegation spot. The 2nds are away to Alsager 2 who are perhaps the only team that can pip the 2nd's for promotion. A win here may just do it! The 3rd's are away to Bollington who are 1 place above and to give ourselves a fighting chance to avoid relegation it is a must win game. The 4ths are away to AP2 who they closely trail and whilst resigned to just missing out on the top 2 promotion spots, a good win will help them to achieve a credible 3rd spot. Also check out your Player statistics on our website and also your season trend on the NWSL website and make that last big push and give the annual dinner committee a problem, only rivalled by the competition for Sports Personality of the year for those big accolades.

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This fixture was always going to be a tough one: top of the league vs bottom, and a weakened side. To make things worse, Captain Neil had to drop out at the last minute, his Achilles heel still not right. Thanks to Gwyn for stepping in at short notice; his reward was to be first on his against hard-hitting Phil on a hot court. Gwyn battled bravely but the pressure was unrelenting, never really let him get into his stride, 0-3 and off home straight away for family duties!

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Dear Member

The availability schedule on on the website has been updated with the remaining fixtures for the season.

Please could ALL team players and those members wishing, but not yet played for the teams enter their availability.

Thank you.

IF THIS LOT ARE CELEBRITIES, THEN GET ME OUT OF HERE!

 

Knutsford Thirds bumping along the bottom of the Ocean bed of Division 4 travelled to the Jungle of Alderley Park, home of Astra Zeneca. Evo, in the absence of Cpt Robbo (resting on his laurels after his win last week?) guided the team bus up the AZ drive passing the primates swinging in the trees, and the white rats making a bid for freedom.

 

Snapey, looking to improve on his four Peronis from his previous visit was keen to commence proceedings against Simon Gulliford. AZ cranked up the electric fire on the front wall to one bar, tossed the virgin ball onto court and called 'Play'. We won't dwell on the ins and outs of this match but let's just say Snapey was 'out of sorts'. No excuses, but an oddly performing ball and with 'No Let' Beechy marking this one, things looked bleak. He lost the first a close 8-10, and the next two games were no better. Then 'Calamity', during the third his racket broke resulting in Beechy retrieving a frying pan from the kitchen for him to finish the match with.

 

Meanwhile on the next court Simon 'I'll be back' Whittaker knocked up with Trevor Johnson. Simon still smarting from last weeks 1^st team squash lesson from Crewe's thirteen year old wonder kid fresh out of the Kindergarten. (and you won't find the report from that match anywhere). Although 'Our Arnie' is no simpleton, 'Clever Trevor' managed to get more from both ball and court, terminating our man 3-1.

 

Beechy in a rush to get on court, arrived via the magic door at the rear of the changing rooms as Mr Angry. Still searching for the voices he'd heard on court from two weeks ago, he dived straight into a full body workout! This was 100% 'maxed out' squash. Beechy tried to Leap-frog his opponent (Ian Dallas, who was beginning to look more and more like Sue Ellen) at every opportunity, in order to get to the ball,. Beechy, was  by now so pumped up he was squeezing in 'shuttle runs' between each shot. Amazing! A monumental performance only derailed by the markers decision to deny Beechy's constant appeals for Lets and Strokes. Beechy exploded and gave him his best 'Paddington Stare' but it was just not enough and it ended 1-3. Maybe next time Mr Benn, I mean Mr Beech.

 

Super Evo, Deputy Cpt, Team Bus Driver, collector of subs and generally all round Good Egg was on next against AZ's Mr Moody who definitely had not come from the magic door in the changing rooms. A match between two players of similar styles. Much lobbing, deft drops and covering of the court took place. This was a good match but it's fair to say Evo's opponent had the 'edge' and ran out a 3-0 winner.

 

Then high up in the trees of the Jungle, in swung Knutsford's very own Tarzan. Smithy, resplendent in loincloth and toy dagger, eager to reverse last weeks result. Smithy won the first, then lost the next two games. At the start of the fourth he stood, legs apart, hands on hips, threw back his head and let rip with that call (click on link below for an all new interactive match report experience)

 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/97/John_Weissmuller%27s_MGM_Tarzan_Yell.ogg

 

Unbelievable! The next two games, the match and MOM went to our very own King of the Jungle.

 

The nights entertainment concluded with a display to a packed balcony from a visiting 'Charlie Big Potato' on racket abuse and how not to behave on a Squash Court! Courtesy of a div 3 match on a neighbouring court.

 

Nice Curry in the Bar after 9/10

 

For match Score Click Here

Winter arrived early for the Travelling 3rds when they trekked to Macc Leisure Centre with a team weakened by an outbreak within the club of Halftermitis.

 

Jacko at 4 was first to brave the elements, and he had a real job on to hit a length, the ball was so cold. The first was close: 7-9, the second not so as the effort began to tell and the trademark boasts went narrowly down. But our man stuck at it in the third, eventually conceding 6-9 for a 3-0 thumping.

 

Meanwhile Skipper Neil at 2 was taking on the tall, handsome and superbly coiffed Alex. Neil was looking pretty cool, too, in matching blue top and shorts. When it came to squash, though, Alex had a clear advantage and subjected poor Neil to rather more movement than he was built for. Bravely though he battled, Neil didn't get on the scoresheet until game 3, when he amassed 4 points. Ouch! 2 down already.

 

Geoff was 'guesting' at 5 and during the knockup felt he was in with a chance. But then opponent Russell started serving at 100 mph, Smithy-style, into the nicks. Geoff was doing the right thing, lobs and drops, and took the first narrowly, to give the team its first point of the night. Between games some sneak told Russell about Geoff being left-handed, after which he directed his howitzer serves to the right court, to deadly effect. End result: a 3-1 defeat.

 

Gwyn at 3 took on Adam the Landlord, of whom more later. I didn't see this match, but Gwyn was clearly having the same problems as the rest of us, his points scores being 2 3 1.

 

Could Tim our No 1 turn the tide? His opponent Andy was immaculately turned out in revealing black leotards and an arty farty top with undershirt, finished off with what looked like golf shoes! Oh, and he could play a bit too. Tim had a real job on to handle a pinpoint serve and some surprise high cross-courts. To his credit Tim worked hard throughout and the score, 4 4 and 2, didn't reflect the game itself. But it's results that count and this result was an emphatic 20-1 defeat, and an early finish....

 

Then we discovered that our journey had just begun. The aforementioned Landlord, late of the Cock Inn where we used to eat, now runs the Spinner in Outer Bollington! For future reference, the post code is SK10 5PW and it's nowhere near the Leisure Centre!. Bit of a wait while the kitchen coped with our early arrival, but a nice curry 'with a bit of a bite' (N Robinson).

 

 

For Match Scores Click Here

Two weeks 'on the road' playing away games, the 3rds had home crowd advantage against a team lying just above them in the League. This looked like a good chance to record a win and get some valuable points on the table.

Snapey on first against 2^nd string SteveYule was hoping to log his first win of the season. Snapey's Christmas didn't come early and he was comprehensively beaten 1-3 by a far better opponent.

Next on, Gwyn against 5^th string Mark Littlewood.Gwyn lost the first game but stormed back to steal the 2^nd 9-7. However that's where the comeback ended and he lost the next two games 1-9 and 3-9 to lose the match. Tough luck Gwyn.

So two down, three to go and Robbo's men needed to start winning to turn this fixture around, and who better to get things back on track than Beechy. Man of the moment, on form after a great win last week, what could possibly go wrong? Well, for a start playing against  4^th string Jules Abbas, the 17 year old prodigy of his father whose a 1^st team player at Grove Park. This was a fine performance by Beechy who gave his all (and more) to take it to five games. Some good squash was played here. However youth was definitely not on Beechy's side and he lost 4-9 in the 5^th.

Next up, ready to mop up any spare points was Captain Robbo against 3^rd string Jason Warner. Robbo, up against it from the start found it hard to make any impact here. He never really got a look in as Warner played concise accurate and almost faultless squash to win in three games.

One match left and the crowd on the balcony growing by the second. Why was this? Evo, unusually quiet all evening since he learnt that he was to play Grove Parks 'pin-up' and 1^st string,  Natalie Husdan. (No pressure here then Evo!) A bit of glamour amongst the brawn. Beauty & The Beast. Could Evo put his gentlemanly charm to one side for the evening and show her who was Alpha Male? First game manfully taken by Evo 9-2. Natalie teased Evo with some lovely strokeplay to take the second 9-5. A See-Saw match ensued with some great Squash from both
players taking the match to a 5^th game. Alas, even after all the warnings Evo succumbed to her fatal charm. He had nothing left, he was spent.
She took the game 9-3. The celebrating crowd spilled out onto the streets. In the melee that ensued young Natalie slipped off into the night, leaving Evo alone to lick his wounds over double helpings of Chicken Curry, Garlic Bread and Death by Chocolate Cake a'la Mrs Robbo.

Tonight, the average age of Knutsfords 3^rd team was 54. No team member was under 50 years of age. However, they put up a valiant fight against an improved Grove Park Team.

Next week, away to Macclesfield. Hold tight this could be another bumpy ride!

For Match Score Card Click Here

The Third Team with back to back away fixtures meant a return to affluence this week. Home to the rich and famous. The glamorous and
beautiful. Cheshire's little bit of Hollywood. Prestburyshire.

Bill Jackson at 4th string was first on against Captain Kevin Wynne. Jacko, who was declared not match fit by the Team Doctor (Snapey),
was suffering from a sore shoulder, the onset of Man Flu and a touch of the old 'Delly Belly'. What was he doing here? Well needs must, and an availability crisis meant he was required. Captain Kev was in no mood for sympathy and tore into the first game winning 9-5. Jacko well out of his comfort zone battled on but lost the next two 0-9, 3-9. A shadow of his former self, he was duly despatched off home to bed with the Team Nurse (Lucky Fella) and a sick note from Dr Snapey.

Next on, 1st string match,  Snapey v Brian Lomas. History here. Brian always ending up 'On Top' (and I'm not sure if that sounds right). First game, Snapey denied a stroke at game ball let Brian back in to lose 8-10. Still smarting from the first game, he fought back to take the second 9-7. Game on! Ding Dong rallies ensued. Even being struck on the shoulder by Snapey's racket didn't stop Big Bri. However Snapey's a tired old dog when it comes to long matches as many of you know, and he crashed out losing  3-9, 4-9. The tank was empty and mere fumes were  not sufficient to win this one.

An adjoining court came free, Phil Colville against GeoffDalton, jettisoned up from the 4ths and ready to prove a point. (And didn't he just!) This was not 'Dalton's Weekly' game (sorry) but a sublime performance from a seasoned campaigner. First game close, 10-8 to Mr D. However, in the
next two the Prestbury faithful were treated to exhibition style Squash with Geoff finishing off his opponent 9-3, 9-2. Excellent result and the Thirds not on the bus home just yet!

Meanwhile Captain Robbo was limbering up behind the bike sheds. A quick tab and a couple of  'Star Jumps' and he was ready. All part of a new fitness regime. Leaner and meaner from seven days ago. Blowing up his car engine this week meant he'd had to borrow that little Peugeot from his pretty young hairdresser, and it just doesn't 'Suit you Sir!" But back to the squash. Up against the enigma that is Pat Hunter. Prestbury's ageing pocket dynamo. A 'Ding Dong' match, these games were close. Robbo stole the third. However The Hunter doggedly battled on never
losing sight of his prey, and eventually took the match 3-1. A much improved performance from our Captain though. 

Match effectively lost and just the 3rd string game left. Brian Beech against Graeme English. Beechy showing a miraculous recovery from last weeks pulled muscle at Alderley. He strode down the catwalk onto court. Rejuvenated, youthful, a young man with rediscovered Mojo. He bossed the court like a young stallion, resplendent in sparkly new trainers purchased this week from Wilmslow Road "Whilst there on business" he explained. English took the first 9-7, but hey, it takes time to wear in a brand new pair of trainers. By the second game Beechy's shoes had 'morphed' into a comfy pair of carpet slippers, and he covered the court with 'Gazelle-like' ease to take the next three games 9-4, 9-1, 9-5. A fantastic  performance, and must surely seal his regular place in this team.

The absence of the regular Club Chef caused a minor crisis in the kitchen, and a last minute menu change. Beechy gave it a quick glance
and did one. Methinks in search of a local Kebab House. (Here in Prestbury? You'll be lucky pal!) Finally thanks to Geoff for safely navigating the team bus through the 'Hollywood rain' back home.

An improvement on last week, but storm clouds on the horizon suggest tougher competition ahead.

For match score Click Here

Match: 
Knutsford 3Away to Alderley Edge 3

Date:  4th of October
2012

The Third Team travelled to the leafy stockbroker belt of
Alderley Edge for their first away fixture of the season.

Snapey on first against second string Phil Morgan. A tough
game for Snapey who although tried to play a tight game, found it difficult to
maintain any sort of dominance against his opponent's accurate and strong
stroke play. Snapey lost in three.

Meanwhile Court No2 was hosting the 5^th string
match between Brian Beech and Hansel Allen. Beechey's first competitive game
for the KSC 3rds and much was expected from him. Would he 'eat up' his opponent
with a Grimm result? As Hansel led The Beech towards the woods this was not a
mere pebble gathering exercise, as the first game was close with Beechy losing
out 7-9. The second went the same way 7-9 but alas The Beech had pulled a
muscle (and that was the only thing he was to pull this evening). Dr Snapey
recommended a deep heat massage. The Beech manfully fought on in the third
losing out 6-9 but limped off with the respect of his teammates. Good Effort.

As luck would have it, much later on that evening the Club
monthly raffle was drawn and Beechy having already left for home won 3^rd
prize of a free massage at 'Sasha's Massage & Pamper Studio' on Wilmslow
Road.  Shame that, as they're open 24hrs
and all major Credit Cards are accepted (So I'm told). Smithy volunteered to
look after the voucher for you Beechy…how kind.

Now, limbering up on the show court was Captain Robbo.
Smarting from last weeks spanking from Super Simon, he had something to prove
against the 4^th string youth of Adam Slade. Unfortunately Neil's
experience made little impact as young Adam was never going to give this match
up without a fight, and already had a Knutsford scalp from last week (Walt).
Robbo took the first game 9-4 making it a lot harder for himself than it should
have been. His opponent fought hard in the second to take it 9-6. By now the
usual signs were starting to show. Much huffing & puffing from Robbo, and
less movement around the court. The next two games went against him 3-9, 3-9.
Young Adam had 'Slayed' The Captain.

But worry not, Robbo announced he is a slow starter after
the excesses of the summer, and he gets better as the season develops. Well
hurry up Robbo we need you, and this team looks like it's in for a bumpy ride!

The Cash arrived late with Smithy (where had you both been?)
The Cash was up against 3^rd string Simon Feather. This was no
lightweight match and there soon developed some hard-hitting squash, both
players favouring the backhand wall. First game was close 9-7 to The Cash. Then
the demons entered his head and he lost the 2nd 3-9, and with his finger
nervously hovering over the self-destruct button he took the next two games 9-3
for the 3rds only win so far. Well done.

Grand Finale and the show court throbbed with anticipation.
The crowded Bar heaved with Alderley's WAGS. All having turned out specially to see the toned body of Knutsford 1^st String
Smithy. Up against Alex Harris, rumoured to have played for his County on more
than one occasion. This was one mouth-watering match not to miss. Alas, Smithy
was up against a better player and it showed. Those who play at 1 & 2 in
this Division are never going to get an easy game with such tough competition
around. Smithy tried his best but found it difficult to make a dent in his
opponent's game and lost 0-3.

The crowd turned back to the Bar. The WAGS dissolved into
the night.But hey, there was the usual Alderley hospitality on offer.
A nice Curry on the Menu, and Ice Cold 'Peroni' on draught.

As we walked across the Car Park Smithy was now feeling the
effects of the Peronis. He casually tossed his car keys to the Cash, and I'm sure I
heard him say 'Take me to Wilmslow Road'……

Match Score Click Here

Result Knutsford 2 beat Knutsford 3 20-3.

K2 were playing away at home (I'm sure there's a double entendre in there somewhere) hosted by K3.

So to the eagerly awaited start (no not the Ryder Cup) of the season. K2 a bit under prepared for the first game but a fortunate opening
match against what should have been weaker opposition. How would the season pan out, could K2 get promotion again, would David's new family situation result in even more grey hairs, would Greg's work get to him so much that the bald patch would increase by as much as the length of the shorts decreased (anything more would surely be obscene), would Nigel's neoprene addiction eventually result in
total lack of movement, would Steve's new neoprene experience become a fetish and would Simon just like to develop some idiosyncrasy that I can write about.

Eagerness abounded with Greg and David desperate to go on first and get the first points of the season - David won the race and was first
up against Roger. Meanwhile the captain was so excited that he misplaced his wallet between RBS cash machine and KSC, emptying his bag out on numerous occasions and searching the car resulted in no wallet and a trip to the police station which likewise proved fruitless. Eventually it was found down the narrowest of gaps in the car and at least I had drinking vouchers which proved to be of great importance later on.

David vs Roger (3-1)

Not too much was seen of this one by yours truly for reasons already explained but Roger played some very steady squash especially tight
down the backhand wall and with the match at 1-1 it was a very close affair. David took the next two to 5 and 6 to great relief and the season was underway.

Greg vs Dave (3-0)

Again not too much to input from the penniless captain but Greg was heard to mutter that Dave plays the type of squash he likes
(mindless?). A comfortable 3-0 to Greg with only 8 points conceded.

Nigel vs Tim (3-1)

A very hard fought match with Tim playing some excellent squash. Clearly motivated and in the zone he forgot to say "good shot" at the
appropriate moments throughout the entire match. He raced into a 5-1 lead in the first but then was 8-5 down with some loose shots before eventually taking the first 10-9. The next three went to Nigel but to 6, 5 and 5 which meant that the neoprene did its job and the old crock was just about still in one piece.

Simon vs Neil (3-0)

A bit of a non-event with only seven points conceded by Simon fresh of his holidays, short of match practice, overweight (was on the
lime juice in the bar) but with sufficient in the tank for Neil to declare that he (Neil) was also a bit short of match practice, a bit overweight and that
things would improve (in what department we all asked as he tucked into seconds of home-made chilli con carne).

Steve vs Gary (3-1)

Looking self conscious in the neoprene support Steve got off to a bad start and lost the first but with some trade mark scampering and deft
drop shots Steve took the next two close games before easily rapping the match up in the fourth with Gary now expressing his trademark frustrations at his own performance.

So to the bar, with the away team buying more drinks (hence the need for the wallet - note Tim) than the home team but being served up with
an excellent chilli dish with rice (superbly cooked by Steve of the away team) and slightly burnt bread which apparently was Steve's (away team!) fault and a "home made" cake. All in all an excellent evening - can't wait for the return although the, by then, much improved K3 might give us an even harder match.

Next 2 weeks Greg is in charge of K2 whilst yours truly takes a much needed rest!

For Match results Click Here