Match: Knutsford 2 Home to Alsager 2

Date: 2nd December 2010

Simon Whittaker and John Ward Snr (I hate that - whose idea was that?) were first to arrive, nice and early as requested by Mr 'I've got the flu' Evans. However the visiting team were quite late, leaving us watching the 3rd team welcome all their visitors and feeling like a couple of billy no-mates. Damn it, why are they so popular? They may all be rubbish at squash....... but they're so popular - must be the food, or the captain's wit and gaily coloured attire that attracts them. And their visitors.... I've searched the leagues and cannot find The Adams Family anywhere in the team lists - Lurch, Grandpa and Wednesday were definitely there.... anyway, I digress. After JW had complimented Simon's BMW (which turned out to be a SAAB) and his nice t-shirt there wasn't much else to say. So followed the awkward silence, you know what I mean, like when you're waiting for the first kiss on your first date - if any of you can remember that! - Simon then said he wanted a quick getaway and was hoping to go on first, but their number five was there early and JW was soon on court. He was up against Paul, a pleasant young man who sometimes cheekily hit the ball back. JW covered the court like a man half his age (so still older than his opponent) and retrieved practically every drop shot Paul played and was quickly 8-6 up. JW played a drop shot (oh yes!) and won the next rally and triumphantly walked off court ..... only to be called back on because he'd only won the serve back. Next serve finished the game off 9-6. After the first game Paul's advisers said "He's getting all your drop shots, play it long" (I know because I asked him afterwards)..... obviously a mistake as Paul then went down 0-9 in the second. In the interval JW advised him to ignore everybody and just play his own game - so he did and lost the next one 5-9. JW pocketed maximum points, did his duty by buying Paul a beer, and came back up to the balcony. In the meantime Simon had quickly thrashed his opponent 9-3 in the first, and was efficiently doing the same in the second for another 9-3 win. JW went to get another beer for his opponent, and returned to the balcony. JW asked Neil Robinson "How's he doing?". Neil, using old fashioned squash jargon which JW found difficult to understand, said "He was doing great, but now he's gone to pot", good observational skills from Neil there. JW wanted to get off home, so left, safe in the knowledge that Simon would sort it out and the rest of the team would then clear up for another victory.......... simples, what could possibly go wrong....... As JW wafted through Knutsford in the big BM, he spotted a familiar figure walking along King Street in his lederhosen and little felt hat, stuffing his face with a big bratty, a pint of dunkel bier in his fist and a copy of Der Tagesspiegel sticking out of the back of the (rather tight) leather shorts.... surely not, he said he'd got the flu....... So seeing as I don't know what happened after I left, other than it seems that the team snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, somebody else needs to finish the report off now..........

Scorecard