Match: Knutsford 1 Home to Sandbach 1

Date: 14th October 2010

Captain turned up minus match ball and team. Mr Chairman please give me some balls! Ball less and clueless on the evening el capitano steps up to the plate and heads on court first against highwayman dick turpin. Turpin proceeded to stroke the ball against the wall at a snails pace (capitano reduced to scraping the ball off the floor) then demolished the poor bugger 9-1 in the first. Feeling a little sorry for his opponent he then decided to forget about playing squash and give his oppo the next 9-4. Game on and risley managed to lower his performance even more but succeeded in dispatching his diminutive oppo 9-4, 9-2 citing 'you only need to beat the person in front of you'. Our numero uno mr smith the elder steps up onto court to show risley how to play squash. Well for the first few rallies it looked a little dodgy. Smithy drugged up to his eye balls looked sluggish and struggled to retrieve some deep shots by mr bottomley. After falling behind in the first he pulled it back to take it 9-7, then won the next 2 in less than satisfactory style 9-2, 9-5 but nevertheless finished his oppo off in usual fashion. next up to win the tie for knutsford was mr Costello against silver haired dandy mr coppard who didn't half cop it ard. A mix of Bernie ecclestone and Elton john mr coppard sporting a fine selection in jewellery for a man in his 90s didn't half smash the ball about. Costello drove it deep and deep and deep, deciding that he didn't wish his OAP oppo to see the front of the court and ran out an easy 9-4, 9-4, 9-6 win. Match to knutsford and on came mr smith the younger against a large mr oakes. Smithy liked the sound of the ball hitting that piece of metal just above the floor and below the plaster wall. He took the first 2 games and looked an easy winner. Risley decided that this just wasn't fair to the opposition who had come all the way from sandwich and decided to give a few lets and strokes to make it more interesting. The players didn't seem to like it that much but it did amuse and entertain the audience. Smithy won it 3-1 and a grumbling mr oakes came and gave risley some verbal abuse on the balcony before retiring to the bar to consume some alcohol to calm him down. Last on the night was our very own silver haired dandy mr burke. During warm-up smithy 1 turned to risley and concluded that burkey would eat the poor young lad for breakfast. Not so. Mr innocent looked sharp and had some great kill shots to trouble our determined runner and took the game to a final 5th set. Burkey looked tired but mustered all his strength to finish the youngster off in 5. Captain then received some stick in the bar for being overweight and not having any squash skills or refereeing skills before handing over captaincy for next week to mr smith. Grumble grumble. Score card attached for posterity. Alsager next week minus captain. Best of luck chaps.

Scorecard